So my anorexic brain shrunk down to the size of a pea and lives inside my head and rarely comes out to play. So long as I don't disturb it. If I don't poke the wasp's nest it's fine. Pretty much. I still have trouble with triggers. So much so that I am not going to list what they are here because it can drag me back and make me feel like a "failed anorexic" instead of a rare person who beat the disease.
There is a strong correlation between anorexia and depression. It looks like there is some evidence that the depression is not a separate illness but may be due to the physical and biological changes to the brain. With malnutrition the brain shrinks and there are fewer neurotransmitters of any kind. So while I didn't kill off brain cells getting drunk, I did lose significant gray matter to my eating disorder.
I guess brain size and neurotransmitter availability return to normal functioning levels in some people. in other people they don't. Great.
I think I get to be a recovering from Depression and recovering from anorexia for the rest of my life. It will hopefully just get easier. And my ability to identify thought patterns that are indicators of one or the other or both of these co-existing conditions is a great boon. I just go from being more or less able to ignore them.
P.S. You cannot tell whether people have an eating disorder by looking at them. There were girls of all sizes and weights in my eating disorders recovery group. The sickness is in the brain and the side effects are in the body.
Grateful crap: not going through treatment for anorexia ever again. Ever.
Quaker, teacher, parent,