I know its not the right term and I don't care. You know how airfoils are this magical shape that creates lift and lets you fly?
In doing the backstroke elderboy's body creates some weird magical airfoil shape that creates negative lift and drives him under the surface.
Floating on his back he will just slowly sink to the bottom of the pool under the weight of his legs and his lack of buoyancy. But get him going with backstroke and his head is actually driven down into the water. Sometimes only his nose is above water.
I was thinking about the sinking underwater metaphor for Depression that is often useful for me. And the backstroke as demonstrated by elderboy. (Who is a fine swimmer in plenty other strokes... just not backstroke!)
So if I try to do nothing about the Depression, I am like the floating/sinking swimmer. I can stay afloat but slowly, gradually I get pulled down under the weight of my own two feet.
But I also feel like if I'm trying the wrong thing... the wrong meds, the wrong activities, the wrong people, the wrong... I don't know... I feel like if it's the wrong thing to do to fight the Depression, it's like plowing myself into the water faster than if I were to do nothing.
Progress forward but also down.
So the trick is to figure out the right stroke. And focus on staying above water. And maybe don't worry so much about speed.
That's the lesson I learned from not drowning in real life. That going fast was what made me sink. Okay, lots of other things contributed to my sinking, but the drowning process was sped up when I decided to try and get to shore as fast as I could.
I taught the day without my co-teacher today. And it went okay, but I noticed the following things:
So in absence of co-teacher I mistakenly thought it was Wednesday today right up until 5 minutes before the kids showed up for class. Good thing I was prepared for either day AND I figured it out before the kids arrived or the poor Chemistry students would have had to take a test on photosynthesis and cellular respiration.
And whenever there were not children in the room I just felt kinda blank. It's not like co-teacher and I are chatting all the time. Mostly when we are doing prep for class we are just sitting at our own desks muttering under our breaths while occasionally saying, "Hey, what are you working on?"
But sometimes, enough, we say obnoxious and funny things.
Which I don't do when I am alone. Alone lets me settle in to a funk if I am so inclined. Don't get me wrong, I can do alone. I just haven't had to for a while so it feels odd.
And I don't like change.
Gotta go get elderboy from swimming. Where he did not drown.
300 mg lamotrigine
Quaker, teacher, parent,