I've got a case of the Downs. What are the symptoms?
Here is what i found on the Depression and Bipolar Disorder Support Alliance
Major depressive episode: A period of two weeks or more during which five or more of the following symptoms are present:
I have identified the following: 1,2,3,4,5,7,8,9 and 10 if you count sugar/chocolate as chemical substance
But here is another complicating factor. I have been sick.
Not super bad sick, but sick enough to actually need to stay in bed. With a fever. And hacking up a lung. And nursing my asthma so the bronchitis didn't become pneumonia. Or a full-blown sinus infection. And this illness likely caused or contributed to many of the Depression symptoms.
Sadness, change in appetite and sleep patterns, irritability, pessimism, exhaustion, inability to concentrate...
Don't all these things come part and parcel with long lingering upper respiratory infections?
So do I just pretend that I am not struggling with depressed mood state and engage in self-care for the common cold and wait and see what happens with my mood?
I don't actually want to do anything about the fact that I am in what is very likely a depressed mood state. Which is also symptomatic. Meaning the fact that I don't want to do anything about it is very probably related to the fact that I am Down.
I don't really want to see the OFP (Once and Future Psychologist) because I still have bad feelings surrounding the time that she said something that made me think... that she thought I wasn't concerned for my children and how my mental health affected them. She made me cry. She realized she was wrong. She apologized. But things are just not the same. Also, she is far away. And I am busy.
I could compromise (between doing nothing and making appointment with OFP) and see Pych NP. She is close. And I think I am due for med check anyway. Oh... and when symptoms are not well controlled I need to check in with her about meds regardless.
Fine. I will call tomorrow. Don't be such a nag.
In reflecting on the list of my personal red-flags I note the importance of WORK. I would not get up in the morning, get dressed eat regular meals or interact with other humans (outside my family) if I did not have a job.
Even if I have to "fake it" some days and just pretend to be a functional human being to make it through the work day... the process of pretending to function causes me to actually be functional.
Also helped enormously by the fact that my very supportive co-teacher (who is in the know about my mental health crap) is a very stable influence. And she drives me to school in the morning. Which will keep me going to work unless I actually shouldn't be there. I won't develop imaginary maladies. I won't take a mental health day when that in fact is the opposite of what my mental health needs.
I need to write more often.
Work = good (see also: getting out of bed, bathing and getting dressed, eating)
Will call Psych NP tomorrow to schedule.
Will continue taking my meds (which I have been. 200 mg lamotrigine)
I have some latuda, I think. Sometimes she has me take that when I am Sad. I don't remember if that is good thing. I will have to research on my blog.
Quaker, teacher, parent,