I have been on atypical antispsychotics for one month. I don't know what makes them atypical. What is a typical antipsychotic? Can I tell you how disturbing it is to me that pharmaceuticals do stuff and we don't know how or why?
Anyway, I haven't done a great job posting in the last month or so, and I don't really know if I'm better off Depression-wise than I was. I have done the following things while on this medication:
So I think this is some indication that I am not rock bottom. And I don't feel Depressed. I just don't exactly remember how I felt before and what caused the decision to try the lurasidone.
In fact it seems very likely that I am doing better.
I think I was kind of right to not want to start them at the beginning of the summer though, when I had a schedule change and a change of teaching thing and change of routine and in general a lot of change. Which meant Too Many Variables.
How am I supposed to be a good N=1 study with so many factors in flux?
I called Psych NP but have not yet connected with her about whether or not to continue on the lurasidone.
What would it be like to just be OFF OF EVERYTHING. Why? Because in the perfect world I wouldn't need to rely on pharmaceuticals to keep my brain chemistry functional. But in a perfect world I would not have bipolar disorder. I'm just saying.
Okay, let's not get all carried away here. I think that to be off of everything I would need to see Psych NP and the OFP on a much more regular basis to monitor my... me. And I would have to be even more regimented than I am now about my healthy diet, exercise and regular sleep.
I have been, by the way, sticking with my healthy patterns. Except when I was at the Quaker Gathering when I had ice cream everyday and didn't run at all. But I walked a TON. (Because a ton is a unit of length. Ha.)
Yesterday and today I have felt lethargic and like I am turning backwards somersaults inside my head. This is not a pleasant feeling.
I have a GIANT art fair/show thing this weekend and I am kinda freaking out about it. But only kinda. Not full-blown hypomanic or anything.
Grateful Crap: my nice old digital SLR camera
300 mg lamotrigine
20 mg lurasidone
gods i sound boring
Quaker, teacher, parent,