It may seem strange to you if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time... but I can have a calming effect on people.
Was told this recently by a friend but it’s not the first time.
As I say this it seems like a joke. Like someone prone to anxiety can calm others...
Also not do good at calming myself. For dang sure.
Of course I looked at the warning label for acactual Xanax and apparently I can also...
...cause paranoid or suicidal ideation and impair memory, judgment, and coordination. Combining with other substances, particularly alcohol, can slow breathing and possibly lead to death...
Which is less good. So I’m glad I’m not actual Narcotic and instead have a side effect free calming thing going on sometimes.
I also have an overall cheerful demeanor. Which flies in the face of my unbridled pessimism.
I know I am a good person but I never feel quite good enough.
I would like to have a friend like me, most days. Except consistency would be nice. Will she or won’t she be reachable by any means whatsoever?
I would just have to know that the lack of connection is never personal.
Lately I have felt mostly like a bad friend. With moments of good friendship towards a few people.
Mostly bad with a little good. Good enough. Not saintly. I value friendship but I am better at theoretical than applied friendship.
If you want someone in the thoughts and prayers department that’s where I’m at right now apparently.
Not quite up to the more practical tasks of friendship/spousehood/motherhood/daughterhood...
But here’s why I’d like a friend like me.
I don’t really want to actually see people right now. But it’s nice to know they’re thinking of me.
Even if I don’t want them to tell them they are thinking of me. Because that might require too much interaction. Depending.
Can’t tell if I’m prickly or soft at the moment. One of my students naps aggressively to combat ADHD symptoms.
What am I fighting off?
Still waking early sleeping early and doing nothing but sleeping at home. Talking to psych NP next week.
Quaker, teacher, parent,