The sky is ridiculously blue and butterflies will insist on flitting about. Cheerfully bouncing from flower to flower. Grasses nodding and cicadas in a thrumming chorus. And the sun shines brightly in its typical brilliance.
The smells of damp earth and dewdrops still glittering in the shade of trees. The whispering trees that gossip without remorse, nearly omniscient from their great height. And the stupid sky will insist on its blueness. Unrepentant.
Still I lie in the grass with a stone pressed against my spine too tired to shift away to comfort. Too heavy for limbs to move without the aid of strings. An abandoned marionette.
My eyes can close but I know the birds are circling companionably overhead. I can hear their calls. The sun gently parts the leaves to shine even into these shadows. I can see the shafts of light through shuttered lashes.
I dream without sleeping.
Dream of snakes that slip through the grass to twine around my arms. Circling circling until they rest their heads one upon each shoulder. Freud would have a field day.
But in this dream the snakes are just snakes. Garter snakes with jeweled eyes. Their tongues slip silently in and out. They too know the oppression of the blue sky. The appearance of Eden when they know we left the garden long ago. They come to comfort me.
The world is not all blue skies and butterflies.
We too are here.
Grateful Crap: that I can typically communicate less poetically, snuggling with a toddler, children excited after a day at a children's festival, sleep
took meds (150mg sertraline, 300mg bupropion)
spent about 10 minutes outside
did NOT overexert myself.
Big headache today. I think I got dehydrated yesterday on the walk. And it is taking me some time to bounce back. Finally headache is gone, but I am afraid to not be drinking something. Stupid brain and its stupid need for fluid replacement.
Quaker, teacher, parent,