Did all kinds of virtuous things involving meeting people and talking with them and getting things settled and it made me feel really darn good. Much less anxious than I've felt in some time. I realized that there had been kind of a spider-web thin layer of anxiety over everything I was doing and it just sort of blew away. Which was pretty cool.
Behavioral psych nurse practitioner
Who totally rocks. I had to catch her up on the whole diagnosis thing (bipolar) and her first words were, "Oh no, Effexor is a terrible medication for you, then!" I proceed to give her a heart attack recounting tales of my potentially disastrous but ultimately fine "mixed state" experience. I made her give me paperwork so that Spouse can talk to her about me if he is worried or has questions about my treatment (because when things are going wonky, he is much more likely to notice than I am). And she did several things I really liked.
I had some time in between my meeting with Behavioral Psych Nurse and the OFP. I planned to drop in on a friend, but when I didn't hear from her immediately I decided it was a sign that I should drop in on the Big Boss at work and blindside him with my bipolarism. So I did.
Conversation went really well. He was surprised, intrigued and supportive. Asked me good questions about what my treatment involved and what the ramifications were while they were trying to get my pharmaceutical cocktail correct. And was very sincere in his desire to help in any way I needed. THIS was when the big (but lightweight) layer of anxiety went away. Who knew that I had been so worried about telling or not telling my boss.
I made sure to let him know that I was not disclosing this information to get a pass. And that I didn't really need many accommodations beyond what I already have going with my supervisor. He thought it was very good that I was in open communication with her. Because it is.
I told him that when I am not doing well, one of the first things that happens is my becoming unhitched from time. That I can do the routine things... that I would never miss a day of teaching and other than the times I have missed for Depression, the bipolar has not interfered with my classroom stuff.
BUT I might think I just turned in a timecard when it really was three weeks ago. Or I might be convinced that I have a meeting in two days but it actually happened two days prior. And what would be helpful is if he notices that I am not responding to emails or starting to seem kinda flaky-- if he could follow up and ask me if things are okay. To assume that the pattern is not one of irresponsibility, but perhaps a clue that I need to tweak my treatment or change my coping behaviors in some way. And it would help me to know that in a non-judgy sort of way.
Crap. I knew I should have written this yesterday. I cannot remember what I talked to her about exactly. I went through the whole mixed state business and once she was resuscitated and breathing independently-- we talked about other stuff.
I do remember her complaining that by the time I got to her office I had clearly already figured things out. But I told her that without knowing I needed to talk to her I might be tempted not to figure some things out. It is another layer of accountability.
Also signed forms so she can share information that I am seeing her with behavioral psych nurse. And so that Spouse can talk to her.
Mentioned I wanted to figure out a schedule for stuff-- but there was not time in this particular session to go into that. Besides I want to get a rough draft going and maybe even try it out before I see her next in one month.
pretty much the whole fricken day
meds: 112mg venlafaxine, 450mg bupropion, 200mg lamotrigine
That's about it.
Grateful Crap: I refer you again to my awesome supportive coworkers and administrators. I am ridiculously lucky in this and do not take that for granted.
Quaker, teacher, parent,