I started out much more organizedly with my garden this year. pretty much. I had decided where I wanted perennials and where I wanted food. (I have little patience with annual flowers other than marigolds.) And for the most part it still is pretty planny. Only I started putting seeds in places that seemed empty. And now I'm not sure which empty places have been used up. Which is fine. It will be a happy surprise.
This year I have planted: MUCH LETTUCE (because I like salads when they are fresh), mustard greens, 3 different kinds of beets (from seed, from seedlings, and from cute little plants), sunflowers, cucumbers, cantaloupe, strawberries, blueberries, honey berry, elderberry, watermelon, (does cantaloupe really have a u? I guess so.), sugar snap peas (all over the place), scallions, onions, garlic, brussels sprouts, fennel, (did I plan cabbage? I don't think so. I should. On the step garden. will do.), TOMATOES...
I have (but still need to plant): sweet potatoes, not-sweet potatoes, pole beans, pickling cucumbers, corn (which I can't imagine will work out for us, but the daughter insists), cactus from seed (?), more lettuce, Oh, and eggplant. I'm pretty sure I have an eggplant.
So when people wonder what on earth I did with the cubic yard of dirt, that's it. I enlarged my garden a little bit, but as a raised garden it took a surprising amount of dirt!
On the living things that are not plants front: I am peopled out. Not all people. Not even all groups of people. But I find that I am very happy that I will have a break from teaching until June 22. Because even facing a group of students seems a bit much right now. Perhaps it was the awards ceremony that did me in.
Overwhelmy things include, but are not limited to: end-of-year and retirement and graduation and farewell parties... hmmm. I guess that's it. But there is a great deal of guilt involved in not wanting to attend and in non-attendance in general. So many people are leaving or retiring or graduating this year and it all happens at once. Here's the thing: these parties are not about me. And there will be plenty of other people present. I don't need to feel terrible if I am unable to go to all of them. Ugh.
Also overwhelmed: ALL THE CRAP IN MY HOUSE which is mostly mine and just needs to get out of the house right now. Really want to follow through with the plan that we have had since we moved in to the house a decade ago to make one of the rooms in the basement into a bedroom so the boys can move down there. But this plan will involve me getting rid of a lot of crap. Which is one reason (other than the economic one) that the project has not gone any further than the pre-pre-pre-planning stages.
Insert more guilt here about forcing my children to live in cramped quarters that make everyone say, "I can't believe you are still in this little house!" with the subtext of "You are a bad parent for making all three of your children share one room."
spoke with friend on the phone (honestly this was a big deal. I answered the phone. Not being sarcastic.)
bowed out of events where my presence was not essential
talked to psych np (later today)
Bipolar Alphabet: C is for Chaos
Perhaps chaos will exist at both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between. I think there is just something in my temperament that either thrives off chaos or throws off chaos as a byproduct of existence. But the qualities of the disorder and ruination are different depending on which phase I am in. Which face I am showing the world. Waning gibbous, waxing crescent, new...
When the scales are tipped toward mania, the chaos is an active, moving mountain of loose items. So many projects are happening at the same time I cannot keep track of the pieces. Or the tools. Or which project I am actually working on. My focus is split. I have trouble staying with anything until it is done without being distracted by something else.
Depressive chaos is a more passive accumulation of things. Sedimentary layers of items that need to find a home for themselves because I sure as hell am not going to do so. Excavating the piles of laundry etc. to find clothing to wear rather than washing and folding and putting away.
So in the middle is it possible not to be tipped in one direction or the other just by looking at the mess? What do you do when entering your house is a trigger for a mood episode? I need to eliminate all things from my house. Only I need beads and thread and scissors and leather and twill tape. And clothing. And stuff to make food. And other people live with me and they need stuff too. But not so much stuff. I think I need to hire my friend to come weekly and help with this. Working alone I spin off in one direction or the other or both at once.
Quaker, teacher, parent,