My personal (and long-time) obsession has been with how to make sure that children are included as members of our faith community.
My new issue is figuring out how not freak out at the thought that some people might not have welcoming feelings about children due to the sounds they make during meeting. It is the thoughts that cause me angst-- my own thoughts-- and not any recent occurances.
I know that there is not some grand conspiracy of people who sit around waiting for my children to cause some sort of disturbance. I also know that children's noises are not the only thing that people find irritating.
People are disturbed by...
I realized that I am guilty of this too.
After all, I want people to be all warm and fuzzy and welcoming of squirming, wiggling, fidgety, sometimes obnoxious children. I want people to be aware of the developmental stages of childhood and not expect age-innappropriate behavior from our youngsters.
All of this started me thinking about what a selfish way this is to look at worship. Who made me the dictator of my own communal worship experience?
And if we are supposed to be ministers one to another, shouldn't I be focused (during worship) more on the needs of all those who are present and not just my own needs?
I think I had it backwards. Instead of thinking about what meeting can do for me, I should think about what I can do for the meeting. I don't mean this in a self-deprecating way. More in a generous, sharing of the spirit way. I have just been trying to suck the light towards me. As a sort of spiritual anti-depressant.
If I were more concerned with how I can contribute to the quality of worship instead of being stuck on the idea that I am just sitting in meeting to get what I need... wouldn't that be a better way to look at it? That yes, sitting in worship is good for me and I need it, but that my presence is necessary for other people too.
So now I am ready to do more. And it might look just the same. I might still sit in the same pew facing the same way and say or not say the same things that I would have before, but my focus will be less inward.
My faith community needs me.
Grateful Crap: tea with my mom
took meds in the morning (150mg sertraline, 450mg bupropion)
spent time with family
posted before 9pm :)
Quaker, teacher, parent,