I recently described myself as goal-oriented. That is partially true. I am really projected-oriented. I like being able to complete something, cross it off the list and call it d-o-n-e.
I have the simultaneous perfectionist fear of calling something done until it is just right. As long as it is incomplete, there is a reason for its imperfection.
This project-based orientation is one of the things I like about my craft stuff. Knitting, sewing, beading... each project has a designated end. Especially if I give it away or sell it. If it is out of my hands, it is officially completed.
Fixing things is another appealing activity. Today I fixed the dryer. Now it dries clothes. So simple. Lovely.
But I can't fix me. I am not a project. This fighting Depression thing is a process. It involves daily, sustained, regular ass-kicking activity.
If I could find some way of breaking the process into a series of projects, steps that can be completed, that would make the whole ass-kicking thing more appealing.
So that even if I can't declare the fight done, I can declare little pieces of things done. Like what? Set stupid goals for little things and reward myself? With what?'
I realize that many of these have to do with eliminating clutter, and may not seem like they have much to do with beating back Depression. But the clutter is one symptom of the Depression and the lack of energy to keep up with daily routines. So is the lack of big-picture thinking it takes to decide what stays and what goes. Getting rid of the signs of Depression will help banish the symptoms of Depression. Which I realize sounds backwards, but I think there is something to it.
“It is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking, than it is to think yourself into a new way of acting." - A.J. Jacobs
A few years ago I read A.J. Jacobs's book The Year of Living Biblically. One thing that stuck with me was that the rules he was following told him what to do, but not what to think. Then he found that the actions changed his way of thinking.
So that is part of my method behind my madness. Act myself into a state of greater convexity and less Depression.
Grateful Crap: restful weekends with plenty of lazing around relaxing with my family
took meds (150mg sertraline, 300mg bupropion)
sleep: 8+ hours and a lovely nap
I want to find a different and easy way to track sugar/caffeine. I had a cup of black tea today and a cheerio-bar; I have really been ramping up the sugar intake lately and I am not sure why. Stress of new job? Not enough fruits in the house? Don't know.
Quaker, teacher, parent,