Friday I spent all afternoon standing in a loud gymnasium with 600 students. And it was loud.
I had earplugs in. I also supplied them to my own home room kids. Ha. Still loud. And out of routune.
Is this part of the reason that I slept all day Saturday and still fell asleep by 8:30?
This blog is becoming nothing but a sleep journal. What a yawn. Ha.
Went to Quaker meeting today. So calm with no messages... no need to rise and speak or sing. I think I nodded off at some point.
Did this concern me? Yes and no.
In the past 14 years I have had many many meetings in which I did not deliver vocal ministry. Stretches of silence that did not concern me.
Only recently the messages have been so regular that their sudden absence is noteworthy.
So I wonder if I only hear the Light when I am Sick. Or under-medicated at least.
To my knowledge I have never had hallucinations... unless that is what vocal ministry is for me.
I hope not.
Today I thought what if that is okay. What if I only am given messages when I am at my worst. Isn’t that when I might need them most?
However, if I am just delivering raving babbles or singing songs that speak to no one else...
then I’m just the crazy relative that no one wants to sit next to at thanksgiving.
Who has 9 cats.
And talks about herself in the third person.
And there is no reason to speak even if the need should arise.
I can bite my tongue.
I can stay seated.
I can quake within and not make a sound.
I don’t want to be eldered.
I don’t want to be told that my voice should remain silenced.
Don’t want to be fired.
Maybe I should quit.
Quaker, teacher, parent,