There were a predictable number of mix-ups for the first day. A few attachments fell off the emails I sent in transit. (Really. I attached them, but when they arrived there was nothing attached.)
I had to run in and out two times in order to make all the copies I needed to and even then copied one thing twice and another thing not at all.
I stressed about the fact that I cannot stand to plan or hold children's birhday parties. It causes me immense amounts of angst.
LONG TANGENTI don't quite get this. I like children. I even like groups of children. But birthday parties for some reason are not my thing. If I could convince my children that it was against our religion to celebrate birthdays with people outside of our family I would be very happy. I have to unhermit myself too much. I need to interact with other people's parents. Then there are all kinds of details and finding a place or cleaning my place. And the whole thing just sounds almost as complicated as throwing a wedding. With a much much much much much smaller budget. And a smaller cake.
I have 3 parties to plan in rapid succession. November and December birthdays have not yet been celebrated with anything but presents from family members and a nice birthday dinner. January birthday is coming up.
I think a big part of my stressout may be due to perceived expectations of other parents and other children. Some kids at the sons' school have large elaborate parties at really cool places. They invite the whole class or nearly the whole class. The parents come too and hang out talking to one another. I don't go. But I have to go if I am the one whose child is the celebrant.
And here is the thing: I don't want to invide the whole class and throw an elaborate party that wows everyone. But I succomb to that keeping up with the Joneses feeling.
The other part of the thing is guilt over the fact that I haven't planned things already. And neither has anyone else. And I feel like if I don't take care of EVERYTHING, nothing will happen. Eldest son pointed out that this is not true and that I need to stop thinking that I am the only one who can do things.
The large part of the day I felt pretty good. I was prepared for the day. I didn't scramble for things (other than the copying debacle) and I felt competent and normal. Good normal. It feels like my levels of medications are appropriate and working and I have been very good about taking them regularly at the same time each day (roughly).
While driving to school listening to the lack of general yelliness from the rear of the vehicle I felt very satisfied. I feel like my mental health may be contagious. I hope so. Because my offspring are definitely exhibiting signs of perfectionism, anxiety and all or nothing thinking. Extremes. Everything is awesome. Everything sucks. Nothing in between. I dread adolescence.
Grateful Crap: normal days where mostly good things outnumber bad things in an ordinary way
Tried really hard not to ascribe feelings to other people based on no evidence whatsoever.
took meds in the morning
taught first day of class. (now a little bit jumping off the walls with excess excited energy)
Quaker, teacher, parent,