I don't go very long on any given day without thinking of myself as bipolar. Every time I do something or don't do something, or engage in any behavior to excess... Any time I am deeply involved in a project or deeply involved in avoiding something... I wonder if it might be related to my bipolarity.
When I see people I haven't seen for a long time, I will blurt out, "By the way, I'm bipolar."
Which tends to take them by surprise. And not in a good way. No one has actually said, "That can't be, you seem so normal." because quite frankly I have probably never seemed all that normal. But very few people take the news calmly. And I don't feel calm about it either. I am faking it.
I was comfortable being Depressed. I didn't run around telling everyone, "Hey I'm Depressed!" I could wait for appropriate moments. Times when it made sense to work into the conversation naturally. For the most part.
I think my uncomfortable closeness to my bipolar identity comes from a few places...
I am just not comfortable in my own bipolarity yet. I'm comfortable with being treated with medication that works. With becoming more functional (and realizing that I wasn't doing quite as well as I thought back when I believed that I was a "high functioning Depressed individual")
Don't let me fool you. I am not comfortable in my own diagnosed bipolar skin. I am just playing a role. I am talking a good game. Sometimes with a sense of unreality.
Grateful Crap: socializing with new people at quaker meeting during fellowship
took meds (150mg venlafaxine, 450mg bupropion, 100mg lamotrigine)
went to meeting
talked to people
beading projects with 3yo
Quaker, teacher, parent,