I am not hypomanic at the moment. I crave sleep. I am sluggish. I want to hole up in my room in my house in my head and not come out. I am making myself leave the house, exercise with spouse, have tea with friends. But I don't want to.
I am worried that if I start doing anything I will slip into hypomania. It is spring.
My question (and I may very well have asked this before) is whether engaging in hypomanic behaviors will bring on a full-blown "mood episode."
But I don't think I've had such a mood episode for a while. Not on the hypomanic side anyway. Not since last spring, at least, when they tried me on Lithium. (A disaster. I cried all day every day.)
I look at the yard with its layers of forgotten leaves and think "I need to do ALL of this right now." And I am exhausted and hermitlike at the very thought.
And simultaneously terrified of doing ANYTHING about the leaves. Because what if I can't stop.
So I guess where I am right now is an uncomfortable combination of anxiety/depression. Once again, not sustained enough to be a "mood episode," but persistent enough to be a pain in the ass.
Happy Happy Spring.
Grateful Crap: spring.
tea with friend
drinking enough water
Quaker, teacher, parent,