Bad attitude. At least at the moment. I should probably know better than to post in the morning before I have done much or talked to anyone or whatever. But I don't know that waiting until the end of the day when it is technically too late for me to be posting.
We were supposed to do part of family birthdays for two of my children today. But I am not the only one who is underweather.
I have realized that part of my stress around the areas of birthdays is because they must be celebrated so many, many times. I am blessed with many relatives in town.
But there are too many awkward combinations to have one family party. Too many dissolved marriages and the like. And even if that were not the case, getting everyone together would likely be Too Many People for me.
Then there is the guilt. And the flocks-- no the swarms-- of rampaging shouldas.
I shoulda done this sooner. I shoulda invited ________ instead of __________. I shoulda planned this better. I shoulda figured out a way to make this work for everyone. I shoulda outsourced the planning of this. I shoulda realized that this just isn't that big a deal. I shoulda thought twice about becoming a parent if minor things like birthday celebrations will throw me into a tailspin.
It is much easier to hide. And become ill. I am convinced that the fever is a defense mechanism. I am pretty sure I got sick around the same time last year.
Grateful Crap: the thought of escaping to a friend's house for tea
will go get meds out of the car
will get dressed and take care of basic grooming tasks
will NOT touch the Dell laptop
Quaker, teacher, parent,