When I applied to college I wrote in my entrance essay that my career goals included cloning myself so I would not have to narrow my field of study. Then one clone could go off and be all sciency. Another one could write novels. And one would teach. Another invent stuff...
Then I ended up studying Music Education with an instrumental emphasis, East Asian Studies with a Japanese language emphasis, (also thought about getting a geology minor, but that just seemed silly)...
On to grad school where I got certified to teach English as a Second Language to children grades K-12, an ABE licence to teach adults, and a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing (where I could not choose between fiction and poetry so I did them both).
So, it tickles me that in studying the varying types of bipolar-type mood disorders, the one that seems most descriptive of my experience was once described as a "mixed state." (The new DSM-5 changes how things are described and diagnosed and I'm not sure what the implications for that are.)
With the now-obsolete "mixed bipolar state," depressive episodes and manic behavior are locked in a hideous marriage. Forget euphoria, eleveted mood and grandiosity. Instead you get high energy levels, racing thoughts, trouble sleeping... with negative emotions, irritability, agitation and anxiety.
Ah. Good times.
Note #1: Slept poorly last night. Read a scary (horrific, really) mystery novel right before bed and then had trouble getting to sleep. When I woke up I felt clingy and weird and made up stupid stories that were not true. Not weepy, but shaky.
Note #2: today I built a stone retaining wall by hand to cover some ugly orange sandbags. This strikes me as the kind of thing I do when I am experiencing whatever the heck it is that I am experiencing. I thought I could stop with just one side of the wall done. But the only way to avoid completing it was to avoid being there.
Tomorrow, I will be sore. Did I mention I used to throw the shot-put in junior high?
Grateful Crap: warm bath, anti-inflammatories
forgot to take meds yesterday morning; took them at night
forgot to take meds this morning; took them in afternoon
Quaker, teacher, parent,