Okay, so not a terribly accurate headline. But it was kinda catchy so I decided to go with it. I did not go to my friends memorial service on June 14.
As of... well as of yesterday I had not yet decided whether I would go or not. I vaguely remembered that it was going to be in June some time.
I think this is part of why I have not attended Quaker meeting since Northern Yearly Meeting at the end of May.
I didn't want to read about the memorial service in the announcements.
And I didn't check my email, so I wouldn't hear about it there either. And then I wouldn't have to make a decision. Time would make the decision for me. I could just kind of coast along through the month of June (see how well that has worked for me?) until July came and then I would be home free.
My mother-in-law works in home care. Or rather people care. People who would like to stay in their own homes care. I think she may have superpowers. Or believe in superpowers. Or god. Does that help, I wonder? It must.
I successfully reached provider today and scheduled. I have not yet written my sternly-worded letter about my displeasure at:
I am happy with my own personal provider (who is awesome), but not with the clerical situation.
Today I have felt like my insides were spiraling downwards. Like a whirlpool or a tornado. No. More like a drain. Like I am draining out of me. And sad.
I realized that I am very very sad about the fact that my meds are no longer having the effect that I want them to. I am upset because it is a reminder that I don't get to just figure things out, stick to the protocol and be done.
I get to figure this out over and over and over and over again.
And when things are not working out it takes me (and those around me) some time to figure out if there is just situational sadness and ordinary stress going on or if my state of being is due to brain chemistry crap.
I think it is very clear (even to me, at this point) that I am dealing with brain chemistry crap.
Biggest recurrent symptoms?
I know why people don't want to take meds if they don't work forever. Because it is so very, very sad.
Appointment Wednesday. No worries, folks.
Quaker, teacher, parent,