Went to a called meeting for worship with attention to end-of-life issues. My friend who is smarter about these kinds of things than I am-- or maybe who just knows me better than I know myself-- suggested that it might not be such a great plan for me to go.
The jury is still out on this, but I do not personally feel any better or more clear or whatnot.
I think it was probably good for me in the way that having your uterus massaged after you give birth is good for you. Not pleasant, but it serves some useful purpose. Some things that came from the silence spoke to me and some did not. And it was good to see people speaking their very different views on this difficult subject.
But really, it just made me feel sad.
Here is the problem with being sad when I am not horribly Depressed: I feel sad. And it sucks. Numb is so much easier.
Actually I find that I am just teetering between sad and mad and I don't even really know what I am sad about. Or who I am mad at. And I don't really want to rehash this so if you want to know more, go read a few posts back.
I can NOT go into a second careers as a hospice worker. Rage and uncontrollable crying jags are probably not what the families need. And that is likely what they would get from me. Unless I had just met them and had no emotional connection to them whatsoever. Then I could be helpful. Maybe. Death just really pisses me off.
Experiencing a crying hangover now. Must go indulge briefly in some comfort foods.
Grateful Crap: Friends-- even when they piss me off. Because I would rather have them speak honestly than say what they think I want to hear.
went to meeting (may or may not count in my favor)
aerobic cleaning of basement. Real progress being made
Quaker, teacher, parent,