I think maybe because I have been a hermit for so long, when I actually make plans to do something with friends they question my willingness or ability to actually spend time with them.
And really the self-imposed exile was not about them. It was more about my lack of energy and the feeling that the day to day things that I could never get done were eating my life and i couldn't possibly do anything fun with anyone until I completed everything on my to-do list which was never going to happen so what the hell I will just go back to bed now.
I am getting more things done now and stressing about the lack of completion less. I am a very goal-oriented person so things that never end are hard for me to deal with. I can clean the house in anticipation of someone coming over because there is an end point. By the time they arrive things need to be done. But the daily grind? It never ends. Have you ever noticed that? It is maddening. I just want to be FINISHED.
I have to decide if I am going to pick up a more formal role in my faith community. If I am going to be on a committee and connect with my community in a different way. I'm pretty sure this is a good idea and not utter madness, but I am going to sit with it for a while. They have lured me with the idea of day-long retreats and phrases like "quaker process..."
This post is very scattered. It was kind of a scattered day.
I picked up my refill of bupropion today. So i didn't have it yesterday and I forgot to take either of my anti-depressants until after 8pm today. Went to the zoo and took a zillion pictures of water lilies, etc. Played D&D (yes nerds, this is what you are thinking) with my children. Taught my final writing 1 class for the summer and now I am lounging around playing with my tumblr site, completing a post and trying really hard to want to go to sleep.
Grateful Crap: Free entrance to Como Zoo and conservatory which is only a few minutes from my house, water lilies-- because they are really cool, the fact that I speak English as my first language because it really bites to have to learn it as an adult.
Quaker, teacher, parent,