So you know how the act of observing something changes the behavior? And now I am trtying to pay attention not just to Depressive episodes but this nebulous hypomanic crap as well.
So all of this wondering about hypomanic behaviors may be causing some of them? Or not? I am definitely in the stages of overthinking things and later hopefully things will just calm down. Or something.
Last night stayed up until 3:00 pm. Mostly puttering. And doing my fingernails with electric blue nailpolish. And my toenails. And then putting together a three-ring binder with all of the things I might want for my educational conference. And finding the perfect star-wars lego stickers to decorate the front... because otherwise it would be just a plain black folder and it would look like everyone else's. And beading. And then I was so wound up that even when I went to bed I couldn't sleep until I read for an hour.
Surprisingly, I have been quite alert today.
I have experienced this phenomenon before. Certain amounts of sleep are good. Other amounts are bad. I know that in college 5 hours was a TERRIBLE amount of sleep. I would feel hung over all day following that. But three hours seemed to be okay. Six hours bad. Seven hours okay.
Reasonably I know that 3.5 hours is not good in any way. And I will likely pay for it tomorrow. But I am not dragging today. Maybe the key is getting out of bed in the morning.
When I go to bed earlier (like the deadly 1:30 am (ooh... which would give me the dreaded 5 hours of sleep!) I have much trouble waking up and I lay around in bed untli 3yo forces the issue by saying in her nicest voice, "Can you please get me some food in the kitchen right now, mama?"
Downloaded a daily mood charting thing. I will try to track mood, meds, sleep, and other crap. For today I am putting down 3.5 hours of sleep, took my meds, energy/mood level was probably +2.
I recently read that they HAVE come up with a blood test for Depression. The punch line? They have not come up with a blood test for bipolar.
And I have to say, I am getting more and more on the bandwagon with the "soft" bipolar thing. And since I have begun to think about energy levels as opposed to mood, it is much less of an issue for me. I don't freak out. I am not worried about missing the "highs."
What I would miss are the flights of ideas. What I would not miss is the wildly fluctuating energy levels.
Grateful Crap: Being functional today at education workshop
talked with colleagues
drank enough water
did not get anywhere near enough sleep.
Quaker, teacher, parent,