hate not knowing. Everyone hates not knowing.
I'm a planner. Kind of. I mean I am a chaotic planner. Day to day I can switch course. But I need to know the big plan. Where is the river headed? It can meander, but the course should be fairly set. And now I can't plan. I mean, I DESPERATELY want to know what will happen in the fall. How will we eventually go back to school? How will we/can we undo the damage that this has caused to students? Especially those who are most vulnerable economically/educationally. How do we protect the well-being of students and staff? What about medically vulnerable staff? Will they even return in the fall? In the winter? In the spring? How? What will any of this mean for magnet schools and charter schools that draw from all over the Twin Cities? We get our money from the state. And per-pupil funding. If our numbers go down... and if the state just doesn't have the money... but class sizes need to be smaller? I can't know. Nobody can. So, the other thing I am brilliant at is worrying. I can worry about things far far far into the future. I can worry about seven different outcomes simultaneously. And I am unable to see a good outcome. So all futures are bad. It's one of my many crappy superpowers. Nothing about this is fun. Particularly because I am taking this whole global pandemic pretty damn seriously. And I know some people think I am being paranoid. And maybe I am. But I don't think so. I'm careful. I mentioned before maybe... Daughter was hospitalized twice with pneumonia one spring. I've had severe bronchitis several times. And "walking pneumonia." We both have asthmatic lungs that are more prone to freaking out with any regular old upper respiratory infection. So I'd rather avoid any possibility of this novel thing. Some of my coworkers are meeting in the same place to work on stuff. Some family members on both sides of our family are getting together in smallish groups. I just can't. It kind of reminds me of how I deal with alcohol. I am way more strict about it than anyone I know. I mean, if I have had a drink, I will not drive. Even if the drink was hours earlier. Is this an overabundance of caution? Sure. But what the hell. Also, my doctor told me to just say that I don't drink. Because this is functionally true. As an aside: I feel like I need to have all of the flashy jackets worn by BTS in their live concerts. Except then I remember that I do not have the same body shape as a young Korean man. So there would need to be some pretty significant modifications. Still, if I ever return to working for a living instead of sitting on my a$$ for a living, I think I'd like to wear more jackets. I am watching BTS videos at the moment. This is not shocking to my children. Daughter is not so fond of the music (yet), but she will watch commentary and making-of videos with me and likes the individual members. Particularly V and Suga. Elderboy will listen to the music with me while doing dishes or making dinner. Spouse humors me. I continue to learn Korean. The Hangul alphabet system is pretty awesome. Anything beats English spelling, ngl. It's raining all day today. Imma get wet on my #mandatorycovidwalk. Oh well. I'm doing grey rainy day today. Which is pretty good, all things considered. This whole effing thing is so ridiculously stressful. To so damn many people. But I don't see a way that it could be less stressful. All I see are bad outcomes. Crappy superpowers suck. Send thoughts, prayers, and flashy blazers. Comments are closed.
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K. BuchananQuaker, teacher, parent, |