So I had a stretch of 3 or 4 days go by without taking my meds for bipolar. They are mood stabilizers. This short stretch of time probably doesn't make a huge difference. They hang around in my bloodstream long enough.
But in a kind of reverse-placebo effect, I notice increases in my symptoms when I have a few missed doses. I think because I tend to miss doses for symptomatic reasons.
In this case, I needed to pick up a new prescription but I never wanted to go to Target to pick it up because the lights and the noise and the people were too much for me to deal with, so I also didn't take the few pills left in my pill minder because (wait for it...) I didn't want to run out of my prescription.
I went a bit hypomanic on the Friday. Already in the morning I was shaky and ditzy. Kept forgetting what I was doing. Attention Deficit-type symptoms. Shiny objects kept appearing and taking attention from whatever I was supposed to be doing. Remembered that I needed to pick up prescription and wrote "meds" on my hand so I wouldn't forget. (Now I have "mailbox" written on my hand so I will remember to empty my voicemail box on my cell phone. I had no idea they got full.)
I had trouble remembering words for things like "email" so I had to use circumlocutions. "I need to check the mail that comes to me in my computer." And a few nonsense words that I just let slide. Not very word-salady. Just a bit zippy.
This was before I spent several hours in the big big gym with hundreds of screaming high schoolers. I did have my earplugs in, so that helped. But you can't really block out the energy that also gets to me. And the crowds. And I always know there will be a crash.
I made elderboy come in to Target with me to get prescription when I went to pick him up after swimming and was talking a mile a minute and mentioned that I was a little on the manic side and he said, "I can tell." Which made him accompany me in to Target rather than waiting in the car because I can easily spend a lot more time wandering around when I am so unfocused.
Saturday I did nothing. Stayed in a dark room. Didn't deal with people. I needed that. Detox. And I took my meds.
Sunday I was hoping for some sweet serene group meditation through Quaker worship. Which I didn't really get. Because... Well I don't think I was irritated about this just because in hypomanic mood state EVERYTHING irritates the crap out of me...
EVERY FIVE MINUTES someone was coming in late. For the entire hour-long worship. Which makes it difficult to settle in. And some of them weren't very sneaky. And some of them wore giant winter boots dripping with snow.
I cleverly did not stand up on a pew and say, "Hey! Take your dripping boots off or at least dry them off can't you see the rest of us are in slippers!"
Or after the fifth interruption I also did not stand on the pew and say, "Stop! Enough already! You aren't going to get anything out of 10 minutes of Quaker worship. Can't you just wait in the library until the rise of meeting?"
I did successfully calm myself down to the same level of irritation that I had been at when entering the meetinghouse... but it was not a very worshipful experience.
However, talking to Friends after the rise of meeting during fellowship WAS a valuable experience. And having the chance to talk to someone new that I had sat beside often during silent worship but never really met... and having the chance to reconnect with a Friend who is frequently in my thoughts but not often in my presence... glad.
Now I am stuck at home for I think the 6th "snow day" of this school year. In which no one goes to school and I don't teach.
But at least I got some posts done.
Quaker, teacher, parent,