I am so far behind on this that I am not even sure what has happened since the last time I posted. Which is really too bad because it is for just such intervals as these that I would like a record to look back on.
Three weeks ago (I think) was when I had asthmatic bronchitis. Then I had the week of continuing 2-3 hours of sleep.
On the Friday of that week (after two weeks of VERY minimal sleep) I thought to myself: I have a BRILLIANT idea. I will shave off all my hair! (Spoilers: I did not shave off all my hair.)
I have learned from recent experience that whenever I find myself saying (to myself) I have a BRILLIANT idea... it is typically not so great and I should probably think about it for a while.
In this case it wasn't so much the thinking about it that saved me, but the fact that I was at a library and waiting for my daughter to get done with preschool. So instead I scheduled a haircut and someone else shaved off some of my hair. I think it was a much better plan.
So this brings us to last week when I made the lovely discovery that my asthma medication and my bipolar medication do not get along. The inhalers have a manic-inducing effect. So when I am already leaning toward the (hypo)manic side of things-- what with spring and lack of sleep and recent decrease of venlafaxine-- it is NOT GOOD.
Unfortunately this gives me the choice of being able to breathe or being able to have a fully functional brain. Not great choices.
On my list of things to do (which I have not done) is to call my psych doc and ask if I can/should increase my mood stabilizers. Also to call my allergist to see about recommendations for less stimulating asthma medication.
From my extensive study at Google University, it appears that albuterol and ventolin may just cause a physiological response that FEELS like hypomania. Okay. So I'm not hypomanic, but I feel hypomanic. How is this functionally different for me?
Talked to the OFP who says she wants me to schedule with her when I am in the midst of hypomanic episode. The thing is, I am pretty fricken' rapid cycling and I have only had bursts of hypomania followed by a crash in energy and enthusiasm.
Had coffee with a friend who pointed out that most of my worst hypomanic episodes seem to be kicked off by some kind of work-related stress.
Cue work related stress.
Yesterday my Saturday class was on spring break. At least that was my understanding. Unfortunately I did not communicate this understanding to my boss or to my students. So on Saturday morning when I got a text from my boss telling me that there were confused students showing up...
This was all the excuse I needed to go into a whirlwind of panicky stress-related hypomanic cleaning, hyperventilating, poor relating to people, crying jags and the certainty that I am going to be fired.
On the plus side, I have a really clean bathroom and a well-organized bedroom.
On the minus side, I never want to see anyone ever again. Ever. I managed to come down very suddenly with chills/low fever/no fever/cough/body aches/headache at about the same time. Up most of the night shivering and coughing.
Feeling better (physically) today. But secretly overjoyed that I don't have to socialize with anyone for the easter holiday. And I can't imagine that my illness was all imaginary. I would have imagined a much better illness. So I don't really want to share my germs.
I did communicate with two non-spouse people about my panic yesterday, which i think gets me some bonus points. One of them was friend who laughed when I told her I thought I would be fired. The other one was a friend/coworker who was equally dismissive of the idea that my job was at risk for failing to inform students of spring break. It's more the lack of communication in general that has me worried.
I need to patch things up so I don't spend more time spiraling on this.
When I am good, I am very very good and when I am bad, I'm horrid.
But I don't have a curl in the middle of my forehead so I'm pretty sure that nursery rhyme is not about me.
Oh yes, here is the punchline...
After the hair thing and before the work thing I decided that I probably was not bipolar at all. It seemed more likely that I was making the whole thing up for laughs.
Quaker, teacher, parent,