The days that I tell stories about how well things are going, I feel well. The days I tell stories about how poorly things are going... how stressful they are... I don't feel well. This is not, as they say, rocket science.
But I often process things by talking them through. So when I am trying to figure out something stressful, just telling the story might cause more stress.
I saw a friend that I haven't seen in some time and I chose to tell her stories about how much I like my job instead of stories about how stressed out I am about other stuff that is happening. And then I feel less stressful.
But if I always avoid telling these stories... the stressful stories... I just end up putting them in a box somewhere and letting them ferment until they become some giant gloppy gooey mess of AAAARGH!!!!!
I invoked the services of my "negative communication factotum" last week. A F/friend had agreed to deal with difficult conversations for me. I even had fake little business cards made up with her number on them so I could hand them out to people...
"I really can't listen to what you have to say right now, but I can see that it is important to you. May I refer you to my factotum?"
I had the cards made up as a joke, but liked knowing that she was willing to advocate for me if I couldn't do so adequately myself.
And so after I had already tried (and failed) to get my point across with my not-too-subtle messages to back off, instead of spinning out (okay in ADDITION to spinning out) I enlisted my F/friend's help.
Here is the problem I have with negative communications: I was raised to be nice. To please people. To not make waves. To be a good girl.
So entering into conflict is dangerous territory. I don't do it well. I don't know how to be forceful and stick up for myself but not destroy the relationship. I am more inclined to just fold in on myself and disappear.
I have not wanted to post.
I have also been sick for the past week with a fever off and on. I have gurgling lungs right now. Hoping to fend off asthmatic bronchitis. Or walking pneumonia. That somehow sounds worse than regular pneumonia. Like it walks after you in zombie form, slowly catching you up and invading your lungs. The walking pneumonia.
I have spent a lot of time in bed "resting." But I can't tell how much of it is physical and how much of it is mental. Because I have been anxious/down surrounding the swirling stress of the negative communication. But I am also feverish/coughing and gurgly.
I have not been that great about remembering to take my meds. My schedule has been off.
I'm posting this because I haven't posted for a long time.
grateful crap: albuterol and factotums
meds (I think) 200mg lamotrigine
Quaker, teacher, parent,