Because prose gets tired. And sometimes the other side needs to come out and play. I am setting a goal of doing one letter per day (as a way to get myself back to the habit of daily posts). Yesterday A was for anxiety. Today B can't figure out what it wants to be.
Today I went to awards ceremony. One of my students (that I nominated) won a scholarship that will allow her to go to college in the fall. The awards happened at the beginning of the program and were followed by a talent/fashion show by adult students from other countries. But after the scholarships were announced, I just cried quietly for the rest of the program.
I will remember to tell Psych NP that I have been weepy. It is unlikely that this is a side-effect of the lithium. From what I have read, people who are coming off lithium can be weepy. Does that mean that the dose is not therapeutic. I HATE THE FUZZY SCIENCE INVOLVED WITH THIS.
Okay, the science isn't really fuzzy. But bipolar isn't like having a broken arm where you can look at the x-ray and then follow a standard protocol to address the problem. It's more like this: maybe you are bipolar and maybe not. We will rely on your unpredictable brain to tell us whether you are bipolar or not. Then we will give you a series of medications which will have some affect on your brain/moods. Or not. And then ask your brain to report back. What if your brain just doesn't know? Or what if it's having a bad day and hasn't studied for the test and doesn't have a number 2 pencil? What if all of my answers are wrong? And then based on those wrong answers, a whole new set of wrong prescriptions will follow.
went to acupuncturist
put things on my calendar
took myself out for lunch
took my meds
drank a bunch of water
Grateful crap: having a minor degree of bipolar that is relatively manageable.
The Bipolar Alphabet: B is for...
B is for brain. The source of everything good and bad. Firing on all cylinders or none.
B is for bupropion. Part of the current cocktail in the unending chemistry experiment in my head.
B is for binary. Everything is black and white. It is the best of times. It is the worst of times.
B is for balance. The sweet spot between work and play, energy and exhaustion, elation and devastation.
B is for boring. Everyone is tired of hearing about your illness. And so are you. And it will not go away.
B is for bitch. (You can call yourself this even if no one else can). The manifestation of your mania.
B is for bull*hit. Insisting that you have done a great job of taking care of your health. When this is not true.
B is for backslide. Think you have things figured out and then life triggers some fresh hell.
B is for bungee jumping. Just kidding.
B is for bipolar.
Quaker, teacher, parent,