I have had more time to think about my major worry about other people being sick or otherwise in a bad way... and how this is all about me...
I am not afraid of these people not being available to me. Not afraid that they won't be able to do things to take care of me.
I am afraid that I will not be well enough to take care of them.
Elderboy is having trouble keeping track of things and turning them in. He has declared his intention to retake a class next year because he is not happy with his grade this year.
I am very worried when his grades are crap because he is very smart. Nope, smarter than that. Ridiculously smart. So when his grades are crap it is an indication that Something Is Wrong.
And of course the Something Wrong could no doubt have been prevented or ameliorated by me if I were on top of my game.
It is so hard to explain that I am less worried about the Bad Grade than I am about the reason for that bad grade. He's got some of the Depression too. And the Perfectionism. And a severe case of adolescence.
And our parental worry and concern can come off so yelly and unsupportive. Which is crap.
I told elderboy I was going to watch a whole bunch of teenager tv shows in which parents are crappy to their children in order to get them to do better in school.
He suggested that this was a bad plan because either
1. I would think that this was a good plan (and it would be crap)
2. I would think that I was already doing these terrible things and that I was a crap parent.
Like I said, the boy is a bloody genius.
Sang in meeting today. It wasn't as loud as I needed to sing. It was too high. My voice sounded squeaky and rattled around in the open spaces. But it was a start.
Grateful Crap: Not Being Yelly All The Time
200 mg lamotrigine
150 mg bupropion (remembrering to take it, but not at beginning of day.)
Quaker, teacher, parent,