Now is that brown time when the leaves aren't pretty anymore and the grass is dead and the snow hasn't come yet and all the perennials have dried up seed heads sadly bobbing around the garden.
Now is when furnaces blow dust and dander throughout the house, dislodging seasons of allergens it has been storing for months and months.
Now no one wants to play outside because you can't sled on frosty ground and there is no ice for skating. Slightly frozen mud makes for poor snowmen. And too slippery for bikes. Too cold to swim. Too dark to take a walk.
Now the children disappear and the sun becomes shy hiding behind clouds and on the other side of the world.
Now is what I imagine when C.S. Lewis had his witch say it was always winter and never Christmas. Not the beautiful glittering jewels of new snow. But this.
Now I am somewhat disconsolate. Discordant. Disassociative. Dissolved. Disastrous. Divided. Distant. Dilligent. Divine. Diurnal.
Now I will stop this brown study and leave to complete the remaining tasks of the day.
Write. Read. Drink. Sleep.
Grateful Crap: that I don't always think in stilted language like this.
took meds in the morning (150mg sertraline, 450 mg bupropion)
I am so rockin' this medication every day at the same time
Also, not going to sleep after 1:30 am. Regularly not doing that.
Tea with a friend
Very Bad Headache. Somewhat less today. Still feels sometimes like an icepick behind my ear and below my temple. Wimp. I don't get headaches and when I do I am a pathetic invalid. Chronic pain takes practice. I do Depressed much
Quaker, teacher, parent,