When I get sad--the kind of sad where I'm crying and I can't stop--it's not usually about whatever it is that started the crying in the first place. So when people ask me what I'm sad about it seems stupid.
I'm not sad about that. This is the fire. That was the spark. And the fire sucks. It sucks all the light from me and eats all the oxygen in the room. I'm sad now. Or I'm angry. I can't tell. There was workplace crap in which someone said things to me that were not appropriate. What i would like to happen is to never have to see this person again. Instead what needs to happen is I have to have a polite confrontation with this person. I don't do polite confrontation. I do polite. So I'm mad that the situation has forced me into this position that I'm not comfortable with. I'm sad. And I'm angry. And I can't stop crying. But I'm not this sad about the the inappropriate statements. I'm just upset. And now it is the upset that is the problem. A stupid turtle that is on its back and can't right itself. A sailboat that has capsized. And now it is turtled. Just sitting there. Rocking back and forth in the waves. What are you sad about? How did you get here? Why are you not right? The world turned upside down. Now it doesn't matter. Now the matter is you need to figure out a way to right yourself. I'm glad I have Workplace Accomodation. She is not the one who made inappropriate comments. If she did, I would just stick out my tongue and threaten not to catch any Pokemon for her on the way to work. Because I know her. And she is in my court. I have a light schedule for the rest of the day. I am on my prep--no more classes to really teach today either. Which is good. I look like hell. My eyes are red and my face is blotchy. I don't want to fall apart in front of students. I'd rather not fall apart at all. So I'm writing this. And it helps. But I don't know how I can possibly be productive today. My brain is wasted. And I have a good brain. It is such a pity to waste it. My brain is one of my favorite things when it is functioning. Tonight I need to be social and engage in the neighborhood and go Trick or Treating. All I want to do is nothing. Nothing and nothing and nothing. 200 mg lamotrigine 20 mg lurasidone 10 mg fluoxetine Comments are closed.
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K. BuchananQuaker, teacher, parent, |