The appearance of being true or real. At times I lack verisimilitude. Now may or may not be one of those times. I will try to get back to daily posts. I think I've been a little tippy lately. Not Down and not Up, just floaty in between.
I have written 42,000 words on my second steamy romance novel. I am excited to see what happens. No, I know what happens. I am excited to see how it happens-- how things unfold on their way to The End. Because how things end up is never a secret with romances. Here is plot: one person loves another person and there are some things getting in the way of that but eventually they figure things out the end.
Today in class when we asked students, "what can teachers do to make it hard to learn?" one of the answers was: mood swings. Which kinda made me freak out a little bit. A moment of-- Oh crap, I am going to be a terrible teacher because while my bipolar is minor and fairly well controlled at the moment, mood swings are de riguer.
But I realized that what she actually meant was PERSONALITY CHANGES. You know, where one day the teacher is really nice and laid back and the next day they bite your head off for asking a question. And I also realized that everyone has mood swings and I should just get over myself.
I have been very irresponsible with my sleep. '
I have been in thrall to my beading projects (not so much as I was when in full on manic/anxiety mode) and conveniently "not noticed the time." This is a lie. I know full well that I am staying up too late, but I am enjoying myself so much that I won't be an adult and put my toys away for the night and go to bed.
I am paying the price for this.
I gotta go look back and see (using the spare posts that I have) if there is a general trend toward Down or Up lately. Not sure. I know there was a period of Down. When I was tired tired tired. Now I am just... shifted. Left to my own devices I would go to sleep at 1:30 or 2:00 am and wake at 9 or 10. I have indulged myself in this behavior several times in the last week. Now it will no longer be possible because I will have to get the children to school every morning.
Our old cat has made it clear that he is done. Rather than watch his suddenly rapid decline, we are taking him to the Humane Society tomorrow. Because it is more humane. And it is. But I am having a hard time... we have had this cat almost since the time Spouse and I were married twenty years ago. Which is how he got to be old. Which is why he is done. Another v word: verklempt.
I am feeling very isolationist at the moment, which is terribly inconvenient for the following reasons:
STILL have not called to make stupid frickin frackin appointments to see the my psych NP or the OFP or the person who is supposed to test me for ADD.
(I like to do my writing in the kitchen when the dishwasher is on. The noise helps me focus.)
Here is what I am worried about, I think: small talk. So what is there to worry about, really. I can do small talk. I don't need to enjoy it. I just need to participate. Which is where the verisimilitude comes in. So long as I appear to be sincere-- that is what smalltalk is, after all. And too many of this week's events call for the talk to be small.
Note: Spouse bought black tea which we both thought had caffeine and I have been trying to figure out why I have such a withdrawal headache when I've had several cups of tea.... oops.
4yo: I know a lot about pacing. My brothers pace. I learned it from them.
Put a sleep app on my phone (to track quality of sleep. I'll let you know how it works)
took meds everyday everyday
NOT enough exercise.
Quaker, teacher, parent,