The ability to worry is not confined to those with mental illness. We are just better at it. More persistent. Less constrained by the reality of any situation. Mostly for me, there is just a general underlying nameless creeping dread. About what? Nope. Not about.
This week I attended a professional conference. I kept intended to post, but found that my brain was full and I had spent too much time on my computer to think of opening it once I returned home. I came away with a bunch of stuff I can use in the classroom, which is great. [insert worry over the fact that I have not already incorporated all these things]
Started excavating a space in my back yard for the installation of an egress window. Which means the boys will be able to move into their room in the basement beds and all (now it is just all their toys and stuff). [insert guilt-- worry's kissing cousin-- over the fact that I am only just now getting around to this after years of talking about it]
One day going to the conference I forgot to take my meds. [worry]
One day going to the conference I forgot to wear my beaded bracelet/cuff. [worry]
It was the second forgetting that caused me the most strife. With the meds (bupropion, my anti-depressant) I just shrugged and told myself that I could take them when I came home. With the cuff I contemplated returning home to fetch it and being late to the conference.
Instead I stopped at a store on the way and purchased an inexpensive bead bracelet of the appropriate size and width. I have become VERY accustomed to having a wide cuff of beaded deerskin on my left wrist. Apparently I need to throw a spare in my purse. Typically I drive and do plan to throw a spare in the glove compartment.
Because in the absence of said cuff, I can focus ALL OF MY WORRY on that particular item. When it is there I don't notice it. And my worry can be nebulous, or perhaps even directed at a worthy target. But without it, I am apparently free to be as irrational as I like and imbue the cuff with mystical properties.
On a happy note, I received the promotional postcards for the Minnesota Women's Art Festival and my Sunflower Blue beaded cuff is featured!
Quaker, teacher, parent,