Wanted to do nothing but sit around and read. But I had to do other things. I dug up a part of the yard to start terracing the front hill for a retaining wall. This was to make myself spend time in the sun. Could not be bothered to find a shovel so I dug with my hands. Getting dirt under my fingernails. Working on putting in a retaining wall. With bricks from our front yard garden. I left a mess of dirt on the sidewalk. Maybe soon I will find a shovel and bring the wheelbarrow to cart away the excess soil.
I could not remember whether my concert was May 3, May 4 or May 5. This was somewhat problematic. I forgot to tell my mom when the actual date was and she came twice. Which did not make me feel like daughter of the year. But it was the result rather than the cause of stress. Still don't exactly have a cause of stress.
I feel like I should call my psych nurse practitioner and report that there is some change in my Depression symptoms. But then I reflect on my utter lack of doing anything proactive... and I think it is my own damn fault and I just need to get off my ass and do something before I call in the cavalry.
But I am lazy.
I am without gumption.
No, I have some gumption. I need to. This is what makes it different now that I am not a teenager with Depression. I am an adult with a family and a job. This means I can't let things slide to the point where I am a worthless blob of disconnected neurons.
I have seen and experienced that without additional incentive provided by outside sources it is too easy to do nothing. Or next to nothing. To sit and read and play games and just coast from one day to the next in a sort of haze. While it is difficult to get out and do what needs to be done when Depression is loomy, it is Very Important.
I think I will engage in some SuperBetter. Because I have been feeling SuperWorse. And it will encourage me to do Something instead of Nothing.
Grateful Crap: sunlight
took meds-- reordered them too.
Quaker, teacher, parent,