I've been panicking a little bit (mostly just a normal-person-amount of panic) about some changes at work. Because change is always bad. Ha.
And I met with my admin. who essentially just allayed all my manufactured fears and now I mostly feel better. EXCEPT she said "You're so lucky that I understand." Meaning that because she has experience with mental health crap--particularly anxiety and depression--she has no trouble understanding my reactions. And because she understands, I am very candid with her. I guess another staff member dealing with Depression came to her and was afraid of losing their job due to Depression-related issues. She told them she understood and asked how she could help. Because she is awesome that way. Then I started overthinking things... what did she mean by "you're so lucky." Did she mean that if I didn't have such an understanding admin I'd lose my job? Or that people would think I was a bad teacher? Do other people think I'm a bad teacher? Or a defective person? Because of my mental health crap? Do the mentor-teachers talk about me in some bad way? Are they the ones who don't understand? Most of the time I just want to be a mental-health crusader and make them understand that bipolar people can have regular lives and be kick-ass at their jobs. Because let me tell you... I hold it together in class. I don't have anxiety issues in front of students (with the single exception of a classroom-observation involved incident, but my co-teacher gave me a graceful exit and I don't think it was noticeable to the students. Really.) And I don't cry during class. I'm a kick-ass teacher. And my admin knows this. And so do I. Mostly. Okay. Done overthinking. Right now I am meant to be writing my fiction novel. Which elder boy has started reading. And it's a work in progress... so he is anxious for me to continue! That's pretty cool. Meds: 10 mg fluoxetine 300 mg lamotrigine Comments are closed.
|
Archives
May 2020
Categories
All
K. BuchananQuaker, teacher, parent, |