Okay, technically x is not really for xeric. But I hate it when people use X marks the spot or X-tremely nice. So
My garden is currently a xeric environment. Which is great for the little box of cacti. But not so great for the wandering tomatoes and the chest-high potato plants and the ankle-high corn plants.
I feel downish today for the first time in a while. Not sad-- because sad comes and goes and is a normal human emotion. I guess "down" is also a normal human emotion but I'm not sure how to separate Down from sad.
Low energy-- kind of. Low energy for doing anything fun. Went to the park with the daughter this morning. She just started riding a big-kid bike with training wheels and was practicing her stops and starts. When I was there I had no gumption. Just wanted to be at home. Forced myself to play hide and seek, to sit on a giant swing, to roll around in a spherical chair, to build stick sculptures.
Reading this it looks like I was a great parent and all gung-ho. That is not true. I was a slug. The daughter had to negotiate and bribe me into every interaction. I was overheating. I didn't bring water with me. I was internally whiny.
Returning home I planned to Do Something Useful. In the past week of conference-going everything went out the window in terms of the family 15-minute clean. The place is not a DISASTER. But it is quite untidy.
In the process of deciding what to focus on, I discovered that our ancient cat had used our kitchen bench as a urinal. For some time. So there went the rest of my day. And it really tanked my mood, too.
I have some nameless creeping dead going on. Not looking forward to the last week of teaching. Or the rest of the summer. Or starting up in the fall. I can feel the expectations I have for myself starting to go through the roof while faith in my ability to do anything sinks through the floor. Does this make sense? The widening gap causes some deal of stress.
Now I have to go read Garfield and Pokemon. I cannot say that it is likely to improve my bad attitude. I have begun to catalog all of the things that I have meant to get around to but have not done so. This is never a useful endeavor.
talked to people
went to acupuncturist
did not euthanize family pet
Quaker, teacher, parent,