This is true. Y is Mondays. Why are Mondays? Mondays are the longest day of the year. Of the century, millennia, era, epoch...
Can you tell I did not experience pure satisfaction in the execution of the day's events?
There is still some lingering Down. Day 2 of Down. I Down-loaded the optimism app to put on my phone again. I will go back and look at my spotty blog entries to back-date some date-uh. Spelling will NOT confine me today. English sucks. Just what you want to hear an ESL teacher say.
Went in to work with a Bad Attitude. An attitude of Sinking Blah. A fear or certitude that I have let my students down by being me. Which is really not a good feeling to have.
I know this is not the case, by the way. I know that being me is not a detractor from my teaching. In fact it is typically a bonus. But in the world of the irrational, where my subconscious lives, all kinds of crappy stories are true.
This Down feeling was followed by some lively discussion about the value of standardized test scores and their applicability to real life (they are not applicable, btw).
I allowed the furthering of Down by Taking Things Personally when a student approached me after class to:
Looking back, this seems quite funny. At the time it did not feel quite funny. I am hyper-sensitive to criticism anyway (personality or illness, it kinda does' t matter). And when the Downs hit, I am raw and ready to fall apart at the least provocation.
Bonus: I did not fall apart. Not visibly. Not so anyone would notice. I just sank a bit more comfortably into the Downs.
Tomorrow I will catch up on all the e-mail that has somehow gotten away from me again.
Tomorrow I will fold laundry.
Tomorrow I will tap dance. (My feet are no longer in constant pain from misuse-disuse of my custom orthotics. It is hard to dance with plantar facieitis. It has no rhythm, it is a terrible partner and it always wants to lead.
Was this a sudden Down or a long gradual slide into the Downs? I don't know. I will have to go back and read. I remember thinking as recently as last week that I probably didn't even need the bupropion anymore. I think I am wrong. I have missed no days of the meds. I was late with them on a single day in the past many weeks.
I just want the next three days to be DONE. I have these last few days of summer school in which I feel like I am a crappy/boring/lackluster/ineffectual teacher. Blah.
The confessions that I would rather not make: felt like a kinda crappy day felt like when I was in the middle of my eating disorder. Which makes sense, I suppose, because that's when my Depression started. Now I get this unpleasant nostalgia.
Do not read this post as a pick-me-up.
napped with the daughter
took my meds
went to see dr. for routine physical
remembered to wear my cuff (the original one, actually)
didn't lie in my blog
even though it was really tempting
Tomorrow is Z. Then I think I will go backwards.
Quaker, teacher, parent,