I'm getting enough sleep. I'm eating relatively well (too much sugar lately, but oh well). Not really exercising since Elderboy's summer swim season ended. I think I'll charge my fitbit and try to walk and stuff. Maybe fix the treadmill downstairs. Maybe see about doing pilates at the Y again.
But I still don't think that the SSRI is doing its trick. I've taken antidepressants when they work before, and this is not working. I'm on pretty much of a baby dose so I think I'm going to leave a message for Psych NP and see if I can increase my dose. She just didn't want to risk provoking manic. That has not happened. I am nowhere near manic. There is so much to do and yet I seem to spend most of it watching the clock and waiting for time to go by. But not like I'm really waiting for anything. I just am paralyzed with not knowing what to do. Or not wanting to do. Hard to say, really. I like it better when Spouse is here. Which I guess is a good sign for my marriage. Much better than if I didn't like it when Spouse was here. Is that what I'm waiting for? I don't think so. I'm just at loose ends. When I do something it's mostly because I feel like it will mean I am a better person. I did the dishes=proof that I do not suck. Right. It occurred to me the other day that when you watch movies and read books and stuff so little time is spent on doing the things that everyone needs to do just to get by day to day. Who washes their laundry? Or cooks dinner? Or cleans out the litterbox and empties all the garbage cans. I'm not saying I want to see these things. I just need to remember that it is yet another way in which fiction is not like real life. Not everyone is pretty. Not everyone has an awesome wardrobe and a personal stylist. Not everyone has someone to take care of the minutia of everyday life that bogs you down. Who matches their socks? Seriously. Socks are the bane of my existence. I'm reading a superhero book in which the main character/first superhero has schizophrenia. It's pretty cool. Comments are closed.
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K. BuchananQuaker, teacher, parent, |