sucks. because what am I going to say? still being careful. still haven't seen many/any of you irl. still sad that i can't see my students. still living with bipolar.
people who don't have preexisting mental health crap are having to deal with it now. one kid i'm close to is hospitalized for mental health reasons for 3-5 weeks. thankful that they are safe. pissed off at whatever landed them there. i have mismanaged my meds. same old story, but the pandemic version. knew i was gonna run out of my add-on antidepressants so instead of calling the pharmacy about the mixup and dealing with that rigamarole, i hoarded my meds and stopped taking them. not sure when i started that. a while ago. and then apparently i waited so long to have a regularly scheduled appointment with my psych NP (over a year!?!) that i have to apply as a new patient. and she is retiring. so i need to start with someone new. i have been such an advocate for cooperating with a team of medical health professionals to manage serious mental health crap. and i have not been cooperating. and i have no team. during a f*cking pandemic. work is stressful. i miss my kids. i'm not a good online teacher. i'm tired of being tech support. i'm also afraid that the new skills i'm learning will make me a crappier teacher irl. like i will forget how to teach in a real life setting. i won't be able to recognize students on site. they will have to text me and i will recognize them by how informal their language is online. children not doing so well. kind of well. they don't see their friends. well, oldest doesn't. we have encouraged some socially distant contact, but it hasn't happened. they game online at least. that's cool. i have been off FB for months. i can't stand to see what people are posting. if they are happy and optimistic it will piss me off. if they are sad and realistic it will bring me down. there is no appropriate way to deal with me. everything makes me cry. still love BTS. still thankful for my new bestie in Finland because it is such a joy to have someone living their fairly normal life away from this sh*t. and okay, their fairly normal life is only normal if you consider living north of the arctic circle in pretty extreme isolation normal. they do see people. they work at a resort. wish i could go there. doom scrolling is my bad hobby. i am terrified or upcoming election regardless of result. i don't want to live in this country but see no options. like it or leave it appeals to me, but where could i go? no one will have us. this cheerful post brought to you by me. still exist. now with purple hair. Comments are closed.
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K. BuchananQuaker, teacher, parent, |