My Workplace Accomodation/Coteacher's sister is not doing well. She is undergoing emergency surgery this morning and she was doing poorly to begin with. This is terrible. But here's where the selfish comes in...
I was already worried about the fact that she will probably retire after next year. Now I am worrying about the fact that I may have to finish out the year without her (there are only 9 some days left, totally doable).
Because I am that horrible person that looks at other people's tragedies and thinks: why me?
But I'm really not. I feel for coteacher and her sister and I think it sucks. It's only after the normal human responses that I go into anxiety mode.
I think maybe this is just human nature, or else I am just naturally horrible.
I am disinclined to write in my blog. Why? It takes writing time away from my fiction. I've completed one novel and am working on the second. I think I started the first one in early March and finished it partway through May? It's around 70,000 words. Over 200 pages for sure. I don't recall exactly.
New meds (vraylar) seem to be doing the trick. I still haven't researched them. But now I write because I REALLY REALLY WANT TO and not because I have to.
Just last night, I made myself fold laundry, wash sleeping bags, do the dishes and... something else while Spouse was out of the house. Under new normal circumstances I would have just been writing the whole time.
Okay, this is enough for you. I got other things to do.
Doesn't it just sound like a comicbook villain? Nah. It's my new med. I uncharacteristically don't know anything about it even though I have been taking it for six days now.
Psych NP concurred with everyone around me that I was a little on the manic side (having written a novel in just over a month... among other things.
She had me start on lurasidone for a little while, but I don't like that it makes me drowsy (read: Zombie). So she gave me a one-month sample of Vraylar. It's non-brand-name is cariprazine.
Now, this does go against my only liking meds that start with L... I guess I will have to make an exception. So far this seems like a pretty good fit.
My focus is better. I can do things besides writing (although I really don't want to because I'm still on a roll...). I have a longer attention span than I did a week ago. Which isn't saying much.
I'm really worried about what will happen when I get a new co-teacher (I'm borrowing trouble, I know. But eventually she will have to retire). Workplace Accomodation is so good at dealing with the Ups and the Downs. She deals with them the same way, actually. Just by being calm and not having much of a reaction... and telling me what I need to do. Or just listening when I tell her what I need her to do.
Like start class without me if I can't stop crying. Or make a prioritized list of things I need to do.
I'm done writing this now because I want to go write some fiction. I am done with one book and working on the sequel while I have a few people reading and commenting on the first. I'll do edits, then start shopping it around to agents. Don't worry, I'm not getting my hopes up. I just think it would be cool if this went somewhere.
Spouse thinks I'm a little on the manic side. So does my workplace accommodation. So does another workplace friend. I don't disagree.
I read my last few posts.
I wrote an entire novel in just over a month (I think).
I've been reading the smutty romance more than usual.
I have the attention span of half a gnat. No, half the attention span of a gnat.
I am hyper-focused on writing. It is all I want to do. Maybe all I can do? Not sure.
Staying up late, but waking up early.
I don't even try to go shopping because I know that I would either buy everything, or I would still be lost and wandering around in the store.
This means meds check for me. I can't remember what Psych NP does when I am a little zippy. Not Lithium, that's for damn sure. I only took that once when I was much more on the manic side of hypomania and it made me cry and cry and cry.
Latuda is for sad... lexipro? Nope. That looks like a another one for sad. Do I have a good anti-manic? It's not my main presenting symptom. Crap.
On the positive side, Spouse was at some gathering where someone was talking about, "Oh, the poor family to have to deal with a person suffering with bipolar disorder..." on and on like it was this HORRIFIC thing.
And it can be.
But Spouse talked to them about bipolar from a spousal standpoint and said it's not necessarily that bad... like many things, it is a spectrum.
Glad Spouse thinks I am not that bad. 🥰
Quaker, teacher, parent,