Could tell I’ve been more on the anxious mood dude because I’ve felt internally jittery. Shaky. Irritable.
Coincided with being formally observed at work and turning forty-7. I do not have birthday related anxiety. But I do have the workplace stuff.
Coteacher sibling is in hospital so she is stressed.
Side note: observation went well.
But I was primed by Incorrect Usage of a Fancy sounding Word I became a Towering Volcano of Rage.
The word: regalia
This past week I was walking in the halls at school and I had a momentary experience of awesomeness.
I felt great about life, confidant in my abilities and worth in the world... it only lasted a few seconds but it felt great.
Nice to have a reminder of what that feels like. Scary to realize how low my daily baseline is.
Because right now with no added stressors when things are going well... I am just this side of okay.
Not a lot of reserve. The emotional equivalent of living paycheck to paycheck.
So do something,
Im gonna eat better. Actual vegetables. Learning Chinese cooking. Tonight’s offerings were a hit if not terribly authentic.
End of term is coming. Trying not to tie my self-worth as a parent to my children’s successes and failures.
I feel over busy.
I should unearth the treadmill and use it. If going to the Y is too stressful.
Have been seated in a jury. That’s all.
300 mg lamotrigine... the only med I like.
My latest hobsession (hobby/obsession) is binge watching Taiwanese tv shows on my phone.
(My Chinese-speaking children are afraid I might suddenly be able to understand Chinese. There is no danger of this. Aside from some polite phrases and forms of address. I can’t hear tones.)
A typical series might have 30-45 episodes.
For the first third of the series during character development I am all in.
But somewhere near the second half or the final third I am only interested in following one particular plot line.
Or one particular relationship.
So I scan through the remaining episodes in record time.
There is some question as to whether I follow this hobsession with such faithfulness because of some mood crap or if it contributes to some mood crap.
I am not hypomanic that’s for damn sure.
But I find it difficult to want to do anything but see what happens next in some Mandarin language drama.
Usually romantic comedy.
Although several times I have been fooled and partway into what started as a madcap romp I am faced with horrible tragedy for characters that I now love. Crap.
My favorite? Bromance. Which I will watch and rewatch in its entirety.
Bromance is the new SKAM for me. (Some of you may recall I once had a hobsession if rewatching season 3 of Norwegian teen series.)
And just like with SKAM I have conned spouse into watching the show with me. On my fourth go-round I think.
I won’t be offended if he tired of the series but I do like ending my day watching a show that predictably makes me happy.
Jury duty tomorrow.
Getting new blue in my hair on Saturday.
Elderboy swimming in his first varsity event for swimming on Thursday.
This is how calendars work for me. Like maps do. They are just lists of words. Except for maps have to be in order or you get lost.
When there is public transportation the only words you need are the ending cross streets. And correct fare.
300 mg lamotrigine
Quaker, teacher, parent,