Ungrounded fears that spent a grand time flitting about for the three days that I was without my venlafaxine, and apparently suffering some withdrawal symptoms...
1. That I will get worse and worse and worse and become more of a burden to my family and not realize it because in becoming worse I will move further along toward psychosis and hallucination and I will most likely think that everything is just jolly and that I am the ruler of the universe.
2. People like me, people love me, but people don't actually want to spend any time near me.
3. I am constitutionally unable to deal with any routine task required of modern life. Mail, email, phone messages, laundry, awareness of the world around me (globally and locally)...
4. My bipolar diagnosis is wrong and I am just a grasping prima donna who wants attention.
5. My bipolar diagnosis is right.
6. Everything is my responsibility and clearly since everything is not perfect I have really effed things up.
7. I am moving backwards in time through my mental illness crap. So from bipolar to Depression to anorexia to anxiety... and that I will pick up all the unhealthy behaviors associated with each phase and pile them on top of one another until there is nothing left of me.
8. (note that I am NOT feeling this way now) That the world would be better off without me.
9. There are hidden meanings behind the words and actions of everyone around me that I don't understand. And what they are saying wordlessly is some kind of condemnation of who I am as a human being. (This was one of my favorites... it covered pretty much any situation and really allowed the anxiety levels to max out.)
Grateful Crap: back on the wagon
Told people about the crap as I was going through it intead of trying to cover it up
Took the meds that I did have (bupropion, lamotrigine)
Tried to reschedule with Once and Future Psychologist... will try again.
Also, I need to make sure that Spouse has the contact information for my psychiatrist and my psychologist. And that I give them permission to share information.
Quaker, teacher, parent,