This morning I began the day by strong-arming my pre-teen into taking a shower. There was some yelliness on both sides of the equation. But it didn't tank my morning and apologies smoothed things over.
From there I just sort of spiraled slowly downward into a small puddle of blah. Not sure there is any particular reason.
I wrote in the morning for an hour or two. And when I came home, I set about beading, which I typically don't do in the middle of the day. But it was all I felt able to do at the minute.
Then there was a meeting at work, which was a fine meeting. But I left feeling like I should be accomplishing some sort of super-human over-arching amazing culmination to the year for my team. And I don't think that is actually called for.
But the downward mood wasn't due to that either.
Honestly I could not pinpoint any particular cause. Just a bit blah. Perhaps it is just a bit blah sort of day for me. These happen. It was a lovely day outside. I was not coughing up a lung. But by the end of the day (which is now) I can tell that my face is in its "negative neutral" position.
When I am doing pretty much mostly okay, my face has a positive neutral expression. I appear cheerful and friendly.
When I am doing a bit less okay, my face has a sort of mean "back off" sort of a look. The muscles can't be bothered to pull my face into any kind of expression. Things are just sort of blank.
There was a time in the afternoon that I thought things were going to spiral down even further. This was when I was hiding in the bedroom with the cover over my head while my overtired four-year old screamed at me that I forgot to make her herbal tea and that it wasn't nice to not do things that you said you would do.
In order to calm down and so I could be somewhat functional, I practiced piano. Three times today.
Once in the morning when 12yo was being twelve.
Once this afternoon when 4yo was shrieking.
Once this evening when I was trying to stay awake so I wouldn't fall asleep and forget to put 4yo to bed on time. Only I didn't fall asleep but I did lose track of time and tired out my pinky fingers by over-stretching a bit on some bombastic chords. (Loving Chopin Scherzo No.1. I will not have it learned any time soon) I need to set a timer when I practice. I know I have said this before, but it continues to be true.
Yesterday went to see my NAMI speaker for practice. Now I get to contact the volunteer guy and meet with him again so I can begin to go out and speak as part of the Speakers Bureau. I am pretty stoked about that.
Tomorrow will be tomorrow. And then it will be done. I think I need to talk to my boss and figure out some things about job-related stuff and that will help some of the underlying stress that is simmering about nebulous issues that I can't even identify. Just some nameless creeping dread at low levels. Not terribly good, I suppose.
I feel disconnected. But from what? Or from whom? Don't know.
Let's just call it a puddly sort of day.
Grateful Crap: the shrieking has stopped
took my meds
(went to the goodwill today, in the full knowledge that it was an attempt to deal with the low mood.)
Quaker, teacher, parent,