I have let go of the daily posts lately in the interest of self-care. And almost I don't feel too guilty about this.
Found out from my doctor that I do not have mono. And I am not going to elect to have a CT scan to determing if I have accute sinusitis. Because I don't want surgery and I just don't think my sinus crap warrants that sort of thing.
It was super nice to have the blog to reflect back on so I had good data on how frickin' frackin' long I have been feeling crappy and tired.
All my bloodwork came back within normal ranges. The level of monocytes was slightly elevated, but still normalish. Doc's theory is that I may have some long lingering virus that my body is trying to fight off (thus the recurrent low-grade fevers).
I think the plan of attack is:
When doc asked how my Depression was-- because teasing out whether the fatigue is related to physical or mental illness is not so easy-- I said that I thought it had been pretty well in hand until recently. When news of my friend's decision to end her life kicked me in the teeth.
The doc had another patient who was similarly affected-- she had to believe it was the same person (even with no names shared) because it was such an unusual situation. Her comment: this woman's decision is having a great impact on many people in the community.
I found that my faith community has not remained mute on the issue. Which makes me feel much better. Ultimately, the decision is her own. Even if I don't like it. And now that I know we have not been silent I am not so much worried about her. I am worried about the people she will leave behind. Worried for us.
I have avoided death. I have attended only ten funerals in my lifetime. Averaging 1/4 of a funeral per year.
both of my grandmothers and my paternal grandfather (3)
my grandfather-in-law (1)
father of one of my students (1)
relative of a quaker friend/spouse of a coworker (1)
friends from quaker meeting (3)
I am more uncomfortable being around people whose faith differs from mine while at funerals. That I don't really go for the whole afterlife thing sets me apart from many religious folks. And I far less tolerant of things that sound like empty, generic platitudes about god's grace.
Any road, it looks like I had better gear myself up for more funerals in the future. Becuase people are just going to keep dying. And it is likely that some of those who die will be close to me.
Grateful Crap: people who aren't me who are able to address end-of-life issues with aging friends.
I have done a bang-up job of taking meds every evening
Talked with family
I have done a crap job of getting any kind of exercise.
Also, done a piss-poor job eating healthy.
This needs to change.
But hey, I've been getting enough sl... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Quaker, teacher, parent,