Spent a bunch of time this week fending off tears and doing a lot of spiraling. Negative thoughts around and around and around.
Messed up some things with which bus stop the kids were at. There was a mix-up with the bus as well, which involved me wandering around in circles (without my phone) in full sunlight and heels. For an hour. While my children rode the bus all the way to the end of the line.
The anxiety of that blended neatly into righteous indignation and rage.
And I had a really hard time bouncing back.
I had an issue at work where I had a FANTASTIC idea that pretty much everyone agreed was a fantastic idea... but then one person... didn't.
I felt like I had been kicked in the teeth. Like the wind was knocked from my lungs. And I focused entirely on this one person's negative reaction to the exclusion of all others. Also, I got really really angry.
I am super glad that later on, the coworker came to apologize to me for the knee-jerk negative reaction. This went a long way into make me not continue spiraling out.
I feel like this whole thing is being written backwards on a piece of tracing paper and I can't quite say anything outright.
Today I felt suddenly Sad. Just blah. The weepy kind. But I did not weep. There was no reason.
My bird is sad. I need to go sit by him and keep him company...
I still have not called Psych NP this week about the Sad. Tomorrow? It's busy. I am too busy to deal with my mental health.
I have not worked out in a very long time. Not since hammy pull '16 (roundabout July 24). The hamstring is tight now, but no longer hurts so I think I need to get off my ass.
I am reading. A Lot. I mean like a lot. Not terribly trashy stuff, but it does involve vampires, so there can be no redeeming social value. I am reading with the fervor previously relegated to beading. Which I am not doing so regularly.
I still need to get in touch with people that I have beadwork for. And I need to fill out forms to have my stuff in shows. I'm afraid that I won't be in any shows this winter and so I am sad about that. And I don't want to find out that it is too late. So I won't look. And then when I do it will be too late.
Grateful Crap: went to see Over the Rhine on Saturday. Going to see Carrie Newcomer next Saturday. All my saints are coming to town.
meds 200mg lamotrigine
Quaker, teacher, parent,