Did an art show on Saturday where there were probably hundreds of people. I did not talk to all hundreds of them, but enough. It felt like hundreds. And inevitably, predictably, there is the crash after the crowds. That big groups and lots of activity are Not Good For Me.
So on Sunday, I had ZERO PATIENCE FOR ANYONE. I didn't even go to Quaker meeting because sitting in silence with people was still too much. And people would want to say hi afterwards. Or shake hands. And that is such a human thing. Ugh.
I had reached PEAK IRRITATION by Sunday afternoon. Everything that everyone said or did set me off. I decided to drive around looking for advent candles. I don't even really know what advent is. I just know that there are candles involved and it was the second Sunday of advent and I was supposed to burn 2 candles but I just had the one. And I couldn't find the advent candle wreath holder thing.
And then I ended up at Target wandering the aisles looking for tapers and candle holders. Where there were a lot of people. I made Spouse do all the running around and taking care of the children all weekend. So he was exhausted. And I just had no patience for anything.
My observation window is open now... which means at work I am looking forward to being formally observed. Ordinarily this causes great stress. And I am greatly stressed, but more worried really about next week when my co-teacher is having back surgery.
I have decided to take a break from art shows. I haven't been beading at the frenzied pace I used to, so it's not like I have giant stock of new materials. So people who have been to the shows before have seen that, done that... and I don't really enjoy the process of connecting with other artists and talking about my process. I just wanna do the art part.
Might try actually to get my stuff in at some boutiques. It's a better place for it. It just means that I will have to shop my stuff around.
This morning I felt the anhedonia side of Depressed. I was clay-faced and didn't much care. Wondered if this was part of the course-correction from the too loud/too bright/too frenetic energy of the art show.
I need things to be boring. Same. Quiet. Predictable.
Which is funny because none of those words really apply to me. I just need them in my surroundings. Probably because I am not same, quiet, predictable and boring. Sometimes boring. Perhaps when predictable.
One of my students asked me to proofread a hip-hop piece he wrote. Which is really, really funny. Because I was his ESL teacher he figured I could
Quaker, teacher, parent,