Also, current events are kicking my ass again. The dizzying speed of the news cycle and my extreme antipathy to the Current Occupant have played havoc with my anxiety. And anxiety feeds the manic side. Just like sadness feeds the Depressed side.
I want to use social networks to stay connected with F/friends because I am not about to see them in person at this time. (Unless they are part of an elite squadron of decluttering angels who will just swoop in and boss me around as I clean.)
But unfortunately current events are not just kicking my ass. They are kicking everyone right in the derriere. So my social newsfeeds are full of hysterical people in a state of existential terror.
And I don't want to downplay their terror or say that they don't have a right to feel the way they do or respond to things they way they are responding.
It is not what I need. The echo chamber is not a safe place. So I think I have to step back again from FB. And probably the New York Times.
Because when I was sitting still I would spend time on my phone (until both hands fell asleep) switching between FB and the TImes just to see what had changed in the last few minutes.
And I now hear all of the acquaintances of acquaintances on my friends' feeds shouting me down for how it is my privilege, my white female privilege to be able to stand back. That I am the problem. That my lack of action is the root of all evil in this country. That I have no right to turn a blind eye.
And they are right.
But I can't. I just can't. Right now everything feels like my fault anyway, and I can't read any more strident diatribes confirming that I am in fact causing the downfall of western civilization because:
I don't send my children to the neighborhood school
I don't homeschool my children
I have children (more than one)
I own a car/use air conditioning/overuse electricity
I occasionally eat meat
I don't go to protests
My friends are too white
My friends are too educated
I didn't vote for Bernie Sanders
I believe in science (this works both for and against me depending on how you think science works)
I married a boy (too gender-conforming)
I got married (too much a patsy of patriarchal norms)
And all of the negative comments that have me feeling so teenage existential angst-y? They are not directed at me. But it feels like they are. And I just don't need help staying stuck in a crappy mood state.
Quaker, teacher, parent,