When I go shopping and it is nearly time to go, I become very fuzzy and disorganized. I wander around. I stare into space. If I am with someone else this is when I lose them. Or they lose me. Not sure why this happens, it just does.
Unfortunately this spaciness also happens when I am shopping on my own, and it may take me a while to figure out that I have been wandering back and forth near the cash registers for some time... so what should be a short trip takes much longer than I expect.
Now I have found myself falling into a pattern of somewhat willful fuzziness following the dinner hour. Five different people having five different ideas of what needs to be done. Many of them kind of loud. Sometimes rambunctious. Or yelly. Or I am just afraid that these things might happen.
So I sometimes have been checking out once the meal is done. Or while the meal is still going on. Staring into space. Breathing slowly. Hiding in my room. Lights off. Door sometimes locked. Wondering what it was that I meant to do. Or stressing out about things that I should have done earlier. Or wish that I had asked for help earlier.
I can totally see why Freud classified introversion as pathological. Not just because he was pissed at Jung. But a lot of behaviors have crossover between neuroses and introversion. And as a card-carrying introvert I have trouble sometimes teasing out what's what.
(Note to people who have known me for fewer than seven years... it is likely that you do not believe that I am an introvert. This is likely because we have different definitions of introversion and I am not shy.)
Because I think that sometimes I don't give my introverted self time to recharge. I don't have enough time planned in my schedule where I am just by myself on purpose. What parent ever does? Whether you work and spend your day with colleagues or you stay home with your children... when is there organic space for solitude.
Solitude. Not lonliness. Because lonliness sucks.
This is rambly and horrible. I am going to just set it free to live in the cloud...
I have been totally rockin' my bipolar earrings. Black earrings in left ear. White earrings in rights ear. In between... grey matter. Tee hee.
Also got a T-shirt with my "I hate being bipolar it's awesome go away" infographic.
AND (perhaps my favorite) business cards for my "negative communication factotum" that I can hand out as needed. Or just keep them in my wallet because just having them is helpful.
8yo: what's bipolar?
me: well, there's regular Depression which is just low, not-brain-worky crap. Then there's bipolar Depression that bops back and forth between low and YIKES. You know, where they do things like re-terrace the front hill one afternoon. Or rearrange all the furniture in the middle of the night. Or build a rock-wall to cover ugly orange sand bags...
8yo: hey, wait a minute... (he squints in my direction-- busted)
Quaker, teacher, parent,