Tomorrow I am going to get out of here. Out of the house. And I will go somewhere with my camera and I will take pictures. Maybe I will go somewhere like the Como Conservatory so that I can see growing things and walk around without a jacket.
I will NOT spend the day holed up at home, hiding under the covers and/or obsessively rearranging and decluttering each room that I enter. I will not have my children watch movies for five hours rather than interacting with them. I will walk somewhere. I may get a new book or buy a particularly tasty tea.
I believe that I may have been suffering from an imaginary headache today. I am not convinced it was a real headache, but it sure almost felt like one. Or maybe it was fear of a headache that drove me to stay in a dark room with a hot compress over my eyes and a heavy velvet comforter over my head.
Maybe it was just part 2 of the crying hangover. Perhaps some day I should drink enough to develop a real hangover so I have some kind of base for evaluating if the crying thing is similar. I definitely feel dehydrated, which I have heard is part of the problem. However, just can't see myself going that route. Because what if I like it. And me not doing things by halves. I have no desire to be a recovering anorexic, someone actively engaged in kicking Depression's ass AND a recovering alcoholic.
Enough is enough.
I was sad a lot of times today. I think maybe the imaginary headache and the hiding under the covers and the hours of mindless viewing for my children was an attempt to hide from the sad or avoid it. But I don't know. Not feeling very smart about myself at the moment.
Grateful Crap: Mi familia
took meds (both last night and already tonight)
cleaned out the filter on my air purifier (which should help with breathing at night)
Quaker, teacher, parent,