I have not blogged (which you might have noticed) and I can feel my entire body being flooded with stress hormones. Which I do not like. I have plenty of extra if anyone would like some. Maybe if I had fangs like a venomous snake I could just have the cortisol extracted for use elsewhere. Maybe they could develop some sort of antidote.
Because SD:FLKJ:Q#IOU$}){(*T{@OIH :KN!!!! I am stressed. And it has presented as both hyper-focus obsessive AND Depressed mood/sleep crap. I have been alternating between staying up super late because I can't (won't) stop beading and going to sleep REALLY early because A. I am tired B. I do not have the emotional reserves to deal with anyone else C. Particularly whiny children at the end of their own long day I was going to write last night, but the computer wasn't charged which meant that instead I spent five hours straight beading. And wished that I could have spent more. The other night I had a dream that I was out with my family (in-laws) and we tried to order pie at an Indian restaurant. They had no pie slices to sell, but did have whole pies that we could purchase. It turned out that "whole pies" actually meant pieces that you could add up to make a whole pie. And the OFP was the person selling them to me. She threw in a special K bar, a chocolate biscotti and a piece of cake free of charge. So I called to make an appointment with her. Because I didn't have one of my ones regularly scheduled AND she said she wanted to see me while I was in the middle of some crap and not after I had figured things out. Well the earliest they can get me in is May 19th and HOPEFULLY by then I will not feel so spinny. I have been reading about the responsibility that bipolar people have for their own mood states. Like if I can tell that I am teetering on the edge of hypomania, I should not begin new beading projects. And I know this. And I don't care to make myself stop. I HAVE avoided doing giant things in the garden, which is beginning to beckon me in a big way. I think it will be very good that I am working during the day instead of the evenings this summer. Less time to get in trouble in the dirt. I cannot commit to leaving my beading alone. (Okay, I WILL not commit to leaving my beading alone.) But I will endeavor to write with greater frequency because otherwise I will have no real record of what is going on when I am in this crap. Which I don't even know what it is. It could very well just be regular stress and not a remnant of the bipolar whatsoever. I could so easily sink into Depression if I let myself. Or go the other direction. Perhaps the mood stabilizers and awareness of my condition is helping to prevent this from happening. Blah. I am going to go stress out now. And worry about my job, my children, my finances, my family and... larger more important global issues just for fun. Happy Earth Day (which rhymes with birthday) Comments are closed.
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K. BuchananQuaker, teacher, parent, |