spoke, cried and sang in meeting today.
Did not know I was sad until I started to speak.
We are teaching about semi permeable membrane’s in biology right now. I started thinking about the value of having a thin but powerful layer that protects you from the outside world.
The semi permeable membrane thoughtfully lets things in like connections with other humans.
Helpfully keeps things out like other people stresses and things that really shouldn’t concern you.
And then for its best trick of all, it helps to hold the good things inside and only helps you eliminate the things you don’t need.
I don’t have that. I have a hard shell. If I let anything in, I have to let everything in. It makes it hard to connect. It makes it hard to express myself.
I can’t stay closed inside forever. I have to make openings with my hard show. I have to let things in and out. But when I do that, I do so unprotected. I am vulnerable to everything and have no filter.
It is scary. It is not safe. I don’t like it.
I wanted this to be a coherent message. It was a message, I knew that because my heart pounded in my hands shook while I waited to accept the unwanted microphone.
instead I began by crying, I proceeded crying, and I finished crying.
I had a song inside (didn’t even know what it was) that needed to come out but I was too sad. So I sat down again.
After someone else spoke, this song made its appearance. So even though it goes against protocol for one person to deliver two messages at meeting, my message came as part two.
And I sang loud.
Quaker, teacher, parent,